What do you experience when you see this video?
Do you maybe even feel arroused by watching it?
Or do you think: ‘Jeezz does she really have to show that here to everyone on social media? What does she want to get out of it? She must be an attention-addict.’
Or: ‘Pleasing your man like that is so disempowering!’
Do you often find yourself comparing yourself to other more beautiful/ more flexible/ more daring/ whatever whát more women?
Who doesn’t know this feeling! I think all women in western society do. You could call it ‘the critical masculine gaze’.
It is when you compare yourself to what you see on tv and in the magazines, when you see yourself with the eyes of a critical man.
OR, when you look at another woman who seems to fit this image and it makes you feel shit about yourself.
A LOT of women internalized this gaze. It’s like they’re wearing sunglasses. They really experience the world through this lens and can’t stop comparing, judging and feeling insecure about their bodies. They are looking at themselves and others through the lens of what they think men want.
The moment I became aware of my sunglasses, was when I started flirting with women. When I admitted to myself I longed to make love to a woman, I asked myself: ‘So then, what is actually my type?’
I started to look around with different eyes. I looked around to see and feel which woman I would want to be intimate with. The result was a big surprise for me at the time. I was at a dance party when I saw a woman dancing. She was completely enjoying her dance and her body moved very sensually, in a natural and beautiful way. I could see she was totally IN her body and her dance, because I could feel it so well in my own body, while watching her. It arroused me.
Her body was very curved, which I found beautiful. When I imagined our bodies together, naked, I could already feel how soft she would be and how amazing our bodies together would feel.
Without even feeling her skin, or sensing her body, I could already FEEL her.
And I was so surprised! She was way rounder and more curved than I am.
I thought to myself: ‘WOW!!! If I find a ‘full’ woman so beautiful and sexy, WHY the hell do I often judge my own belly? Why do I want it flatter and more muscled? Why do I try to fit into an image of a skinny woman, when actually I like round women more???’
It really was an epiphany.
My critical masculine glasses had fell off and I saw women from my own perspective. From what I truely believed was sexy. I discovered that I often am mesmerized by women that are embodied, sensual and, well, curved.
Since I consciously practice to fully receive a dance of another woman, and with that, allowing myself to fully enjoy that (to feel pleasure and arousal, or a warm heart, inner smile) , I don’t have to feel shitty anymore. It doesn’t give me a bad feeling, it gives me pleasure!
That switch is everything.
The thing that is super important when you want to get rid of your critical masculine gaze is:
Coming back to your own body.
Coming back to your senses.
Because it’s impossible to judge your soft belly when you feel it with your hands and fully enjoy the soft, warm skin. And how you can softly push into your belly without hitting your bones. When that belly is giving you pleasure. It truly is the softest part of your body!!
When you take time to open all the senses in your hands, when you feel your soft skin, you are IN your body.
And not in your mind.
It is impossible to judge then, because all judgement comes from the mind.
That’s why sensual dance is a super strong antidote to the critical masculine gaze. It pulls you right back into your body, into your senses, into the NOW.
If you long to drop those glasses too and to start embracing, loving and enjoying your body much more, you are welcome to join my online sensual dance classes, or dive deep with ‘The Juice- intensive’!