Wow. I’m still surfing the waves that my JOYday gave me! Pilar Lesko suggests to implement a weekly Joyday. One day a week to follow your joy. The whole day! And avoiding social media, that too.
The idea is that feeding your business, is the same as feeding yourself. If you are taking excellent care of yourself, for instance by following your joy, then you radiate your core frequency and attract more good things to you! You’ll be like a magnet for pleasure, abundance and opportunities.
So you can promote your business with doing something you love! And people will feel it, even if you don’t post about it on social media. You only focuss on your own joy & frequency.
This is something I love to experiment with and I will tell you a beautiful example!
Monday I was awake super early (4:30) and started with a Joe Dispenza meditation. When I was fully awake I felt super inspired to work on my website! So I did that.
When my man (Johan) woke up I had already worked for a few hours and felt super happy with my fruitfull time without being disturbed.
Johan had taken the day off and suggested to go to the swimming pool with our daughter. I said yes.
Then when I was taking my shower, I felt that I actually really longed for more time alone. Like… a whole day!
My first response was: ‘Noooo that’s too much.’
The first thing that I álways do when I long for me-time is think when Johan had a day to himself, as to analyse if I really deserve that day for myself. If it’s all still in balance. It felt like quite a BIG thing to ask for!
But the more I thought about all the possibilities of this yummy JOYday, the more I convinced myself I deserved it.
So I asked Johan if it was okay. And he said yes!
‘THE SAUNA – that’s what I want’ I thought. AND YOGA!
So I booked a Gentle Flow yogaclass and a ticket for the Sauna. It all felt SO abundant and amazing, to have ALL that time for myself! To spend exactly as I’d like. I had a lot of excitement explosions preparing my day.
– Okay I have to admit that I didn’t plan time alone for a long time, that’s why this felt so special –
I went to the yogaclass, which turned out to be a réally nice one. After that I bought myself a super yummy warm lunch and a piece of chocolate – beetroot cake. (Go try it – at ‘SLA’ really fucking good)
With my lunch in a bag I cycled to the trainstation. There I saw some beautiful clothes in a shop and thought: ‘I’ve got all the time in the world! I’ll just go and try them on.’
In the end I didn’t buy them, but I did find the perfect Sinterklaas shoe-present for my bonus-son, which also made me really happy.
Then I slowly walked to the train and completely enjoyed my lunch on the way to the Sauna.
(Especially the cake)
Once I was in the sauna, I already felt so relaxed and happy that I thought it couldn’t get any better.
Being silent for a few hours was already such a soothing experience. It calmed my mind.
That HEAT in the sauna man, it warmed me up to my bones and it gave me all kinds of yummy sensations. When I realized I could try and play with my energy a bit, I started doing the microcosmic orbit (Tao Breathing Technique). No one noticed what I was doing, but inside of me I felt such subtle tingly warm waves of energy, it was amazing. I don’t know if it’s true but it seemed like the combination of the heat and this breathing technique is a really good one! I could feel the sexual vital energy spreading in really subtle waves.
After some rounds of sauna, delicious icecold baths or showers and some swimming, I felt like chilling and meditating. So I searched for a relaxt spot and found a meditation by Joe Dispenza of an hour. I never did a meditation of 60 minutes before. When do you find the time and will to do that?? But I thought: ‘hack I’ve got all the time in the world!’ So I went for it. This meditation really brought me to a place of total bliss. It’s hard to describe but it felt like wave after wave of blissfull floaty sparkly energy going through my body.
When I was back on earth I went into the sauna again and just bathed in the yumminess.
Then I suddenly felt I wanted to join the singing bowl meditation, so I booked my spot.
Half an hour of beautiful healing sounds made me journey again. When the woman who was playing the bowls started talking again I couldn’t understand which language she was speaking! Only after two sentences I heard it was dutch. Weird! My brain was in chill-mode I think.
After a last round of sauna I took the train home.
That evening I found out that 4 women booked tickets for my workshops that day. And 2 more the next morning!
AIN’T THAT AMAZING!
It feels like thé example of attracting abundance with feeling pleasure and following your joy.
And I’m still riding the afterwaves! When I have time and feel like it (on my bike, on the couch, making sandwiches, wherever) I do the microcosmic orbit for just a few minutes and the feeling comes back!
A deep warm tingly relaxation.
And álso a lot of energy!
Next week my man has another day off…
hmm… I might just give myself another Joyday…
(picture by Kunal Shinde – unsplash)
Do you know these moments where you’re so convinced what you’re doing is the only way, but when you look back, there are so many more ways?
I had a wake up call a few weeks ago. It was after having hosted my first retreat – a dream coming true!!-
I hadn’t planned any days off after the retreat and went straight into full time mommy-ing. I would take it slow with Lóa the day after, chill with her, no problem! HA. That’s not how it works.
I craved netflix, pyjamas and tea and doing absolutely nothing, but instead I had to take care of my favourite mini human. After a week of going and going, I sort of crashed.
* Crying about all and nothing
* Feeling super wobbly, totally overwhelmed and freaking tired
* Waking up from grinding teeth – jaw totally tensed
* Unable to relax in any way
* The idea of taking care of my daughter for a whole day felt like climbing the mount everest
Bringing Lóa to her grandparents for one morning didn’t help. I tríed so hard to relax, but couldn’t! I realised I was in overdrive-mode and had to do something about it. Because I love the simplicity of paying someone to listen to my story for 1,5 hours – I booked a session with Tineke Duys and she had time for me the same day!
It was a session that blew my mind and all my current ideas about motherhood.
I explained to her that ‘giving’ and ‘receiving’ were completely out of balance. I felt an intense desire to crawl up underneath a blanket while someone would take care of ME for once, feeding me, stroking my hair, and then leaving me alone so I could watch netflix. That perfect mix of being totally nourished and left the fuck alone. “I have nóthing to GIVE anymore!” I told her.
She told me that she thought that I was doing a LOT, trying to grow my business whilst taking care of our daughter full time – well not completely fulltime, I have an amazing partner, but still he’s working 5 days a week, so pretty much fulltime, yes, thank you! – ánd trying to keep up with the laundry and other grown-up stuff. She asked me all these practical things like:
How often are you cooking? Who does the groceries? When do you have time to do something just for you? How often are you available for your business?
And the most important thing she said was :
“What if motherhood is a full time job?”
“And if you both have a full time job, then why are you doing most of the cooking, the groceries and the household?”
– Angelic choir with birdsounds while a portal is opening inside my head – blinding me with light –
It was one of these epiphanies that made my life so much easier, right then and there.
I felt SO acknowledged and seen for all that I do. It felt amazing!!
Everything started to click and fall in place.
Finally I started to see motherhood for what it really is. A full time job!! A very nice job, but very intense too!
Finally I understood why I always had this rushy feeling, like there’s just never enough time!
BECAUSE THERE WASN’T ENOUGH TIME!
As soon as my daughter would fall asleep I heard the clock ticking: the golden 2 hours !!!
Time to do my website! And answer emails! And prepare my danceclass! And… eat, keep up with my online course, and…
SHIT she’s awake already and I just finished #1.
Half an hour later I’d be in the playground with my daughter, but couldn’t be there, really, because I hadn’t finished all these things!
Tineke told me that she had read that most of the time motherhood asks even móre of you than working somewhere else. Because in most jobs you can have a bad day and do a little less, but as a mama you have to be present 100% all the time!
I realised that I have to choose: Do I want to be a full time mother and wait with my business, or do I want to be a parttime mama and actually have time to work?
The idea of waiting with my business gave me such a stomach ache that it was clear: I’m choosing to be a parttime mama now. (OMG! my motherheart still cramps when I say that out loud)
I see that I’ve tried to do a 100 things at the same time and I was convinced that it was normal. I even felt like I was weird for not being able to do it all.
So it’s time for a new balance!!
For the first time I made an overview of how many hours I need per week to work, how many hours I need to do something for myself and how much time it costs to cook & do the groceries.
So I know how many days per week I need a nanny.
The result is:
* We have a cooking schedule! whaaat! (I cook 3 days, Johan 4 – the one who cooks does the groceries)
– This is already soooo nice! I know when Johan cooks, it doesn’t feel like I’m asking him a favour, it doesn’t feel like I’m failing when I don’t cook… amazing!!
* We found a supersweet nanny for Lóa and she will go there 2 (short) days a week! Next to the two mornings she goes to opa & oma and the babysitter.
* Making a schedule for myself : when do I work, when do I do something for me? Keeping work/private separate and in balance.
* Naps are for relaxing or doing something fun!
THIS FEELS SO HUGE!
The belief that a stay-at-home mama is not doing much was stronger than I thought. It made me think that I could do a lot of things next to it, which was actually quite impossible!
It’s SO NICE to see it clearly now!
What a relief that I don’t have to do it all anymore.
Slowly my energy is coming back and I start to feel more in balance.
Super curious what this next fase will bring!
This just feels so freakin’ important!
I showed a circle of women the first minute of this video, that I find deeply inspiring.
Then I asked them: When did you feel so playful, sexy & free?
Each woman shared her experience:
* How this actually made her sad, because this is nót the dutch culture – here you’re often harshly judged for expressing your sensuality
* How she feels such a strong feminine essence inside, that she has to suppress
* That she wants to BE this woman, but she’s also frightened to be like her
* That there are very few ‘judgement-free’ places where a woman’s sexuality is celebrated (like in the video)
Whoaaaa I realise again HOW important it is that more and more women come home to their bodies!!
That they return to their playful sexiness, their pleasure, their JOY!!
Because that’s freakin’ contagious!
When a woman feels pleasure, she radiates.
When she is totally enjoying her dance, swaying her hips, shaking her breasts, she GLOWS!
So FIND those places where you are free to dance, be sexy and celebrate your sensuality. Together with other women!
Create this HUGE juicy bubble and infect other women with your joy.
Wear your femininity with pride, in a way that suits yóu.
Start your own dance circle, or go twerking, bellydancing, or Sensual-Dance-Flow-ing!
And make damn sure it’s a judgement-free-zone.
We’ve been cut off from out bodies & sexuality for so many lives.
RIGHT NOW is the time to claim back our pleasure!!
It’s my big passion to create this sexy-judgement-free-zone with every danceclass, workshop or retreat I organize.
Let’s spread that JUICE together!!
“You know babe, I feel super happy!! And actually… That happens really often lately! I just realise it.”
I told Jo two days ago.
When I thought WHY, I discovered a few changes that made a BIG difference.
Step 1 in this process was: Taking a week to notice ALL the things that leak my energy. I usually wake op fúlly energized and ready for the day, but sometimes I feel totally drained at 10am!
My energy leaks:
* THE HOUSEHOLD – I never came to a point where the whole house was tidy, or knew how to keep it that way. A lot of my time went to doing chores in the house, but I never felt like I did enough!
>> HUGE energysucker indeed
* Eating breakfast with gluten/dairy before I felt hungry made me feel really tired early in the morning
* Focussing on the household & taking care of Lóa from the second I step out of our bed
* Feeling the urge évery day to go out and search for nature and kids for Lóa to play with
* Not doing enough things that really nourish & recharge my body and soul
* Feeling guilty about not texting/ calling/ meeting up with my friends enough
* Scrolling on facebook/ checking my smartphone all the time
* Not finishing things I started – leaving the house full of halfly done things
* Blindly following Lóa’s needs during the day without checking what Í want to do
* Feeling a bit isolated – when I want to see people I need to schedule & I don’t like that
Step 2 – turning them in to needs/ solutions:
* hiring a HOUSEKEEPER!!! (heaven!)
* our Forrest tent !!
* Regularly using an old phone instead of a smartphone and leaving my phone at home when I go out
* Only investing in friendships that truely nourish me (even though that’s scary & painful)
* Starting the Massage Club!! (exchanging loving touch with a group of women every 2/3 weeks)
* Tidy up things immediately after using them (big gamechanger)
* Eating a light breakfast, only when I start to feel hungry (fruit, oats)
* Saying STOP! to myself a lot, to check -in the moment- what plan feels right for Lóa ánd myself
* Finishing things I started
* Sometimes deciding NOT to do anything in the household – or waiting until I feel like doing it instead of following the ‘have-to’ push
* Get out of bed really early! So I can enjoy my miracle morning, doing things like writing/ dancing/ working/ gardening before the rest of the fam wakes up
* Using the moment of the day I feel most energized to do things like cooking/ groceries/ working/ laundry (the MORNING)
* Organizing more dinners with friends!! (LOVE IT – and so much easier at the camping)
Step 3: Taking those needs bloody serious!
Espécially our Forrest Tent, housekeeper and the Massage-Club are SUPER essential in my happiness.
Living in nature/ outside parttime, while Lóa can play with kids ALL DAY LONG without me having to go somewhere else is really the most organic and logical way to live! It’s amazing. And eating together with camping friends is also much easier – you don’t need to clean your whole house first, just sit outside – So I do it all the time!
Even though I had such weird beliefs that stopped me from arranging these things..
Here they are:
* We can’t afford a cleaning lady (prioritize, prioritize! in our case)
* I don’t work a lot so I should be able to manage the household & motherhood (which is a fulltime job already)
* I shouldn’t need those things outside of me to feel happy (Spiritual BULLSHIT)
* I’m a lazy and spoiled woman if I hire a housekeeper
* Finding a sistercircle with the same needs is hard (just know what it is you need and they’ll come)
* Only by moving to another house I can be surrounded by nature more (hallelujah for our forrest tent!)
I’m SO happy that I finally got to the bottom of my energy leaks & took care of it!
(Especially as a Projector – Human Design)
It’s like everything is falling in to place – I feel much more FLOW in my life – got a lot more energy and I feel freaking happy a lot of the time!
So to ALL women and mama’s:
You’re SO WORTH to take excellent care of yourself and your needs!
I bet there is something that you can change today that will give you more happiness & flow.
When I discovered Archetype dance a few years ago, it felt like coming home. I had been doing lots of women’s work & was always attracted to ‘the Feminine’. But I also missed something in a lot of these workshops & teachings. Lots of skirts, yoni eggs, heart-opening, shakti dances, goddess- dresses (I even sold those haha), eye-gazing, softly touching, heart melting, LOVE & LIGHTness.
I’ll give you an example: At the Tantra Festival my man and I went to once, we separated for one day. The women joined together and got workshops about the Feminine. But after half a day of connecting to our womb, staring in each others eyes, connecting even móre to our womb and our heart, holding each others hands, while gently swaying our hips & celebrating our sisterhood… I got sick of it. I didn’t feel it. The urge to ROAR, crawl over the floor, kick, jump and SCREAM it out got so strong that I decided to leave and connect to the Feminine the way I liked it. I released my roars, kicks & crazy monkey dances in our bedroom, went to the beautiful welcoming sea and dove right in. What a relief! The rest of the day I enjoyed the beach, the sea, and later my man, who had also escaped the Men’s workshops.
It had felt like my inner Wild Woman was screaming and kicking inside of me: “HEY!!! I WANT TO JOIN THE PARTY TOO!! Helloooooo! Why am I being left out!?!?”
When the loving, open-hearted Maiden energy isn’t balanced by the raw & real power of Wild Woman, it often feels sticky & fake to me. Like a heart floating somewhere in the Universe, sooo connected to the stars & the Light, but without legs, feet in the dirt, and roots, deep in the earth.
During my first encounter with the Archetypes, in a workshop, I finally felt that ALL parts of me were joining. My Wild Woman came out big time and that felt soooo freaking good! Realness! Raw unapologetic power! Spitting, shaking, scratching, squeeking witchiness. The Dark was finally welcome too. And when Wild Woman is invited, the Maiden feels much more REAL & rooted. No fake smiling politeness, but deeply seeing the other women. Seeing ALL of them. That instantly opens up my heart. The connection was deep immediately. It just feels safe to see a woman showing all of herself. No surprises, this is it! My system can deeply trust & relax when I’m in a space with women who just showed up with their rage, tears, roars, ugly faces ánd sexiness. The whole shabang!
That’s when that authentic & unique vibe starts to emanate from someone. That lively sparkle in the eyes. And that’s why I’m so passionate about working with the Archetypes. It’s like they help us to come home to ourselves. To come home to our inner spark, our vibrant soul.
Rooted, Authentic, Alive.
A brave woman told me that the Wall Dance video of a Liquid Motion class I posted, felt like ‘horny porn’ to her. Dancing as horny as possible for a man. It felt cold and empty to her.
I actually like it when people give me such honest feedback. I only see life through my own eyes and when I see a woman dance like that I totally love it. But it can evoke different responses of course!
My answer was:
” The funny thing is, that I pay a lot of attention in my classes to having fun, on dancing for yourself and your own pleasure! Dancing across the floor, with the feathers, against the wall, it’s about experiencing nice sensations. It’s like you’re using the wall and the floor as well to massage your body while dancing.
And the moves look sexy, yes.
You can choose what you focus on:
* Dancing for your own pleasure
* Or giving a sexy dance for an audience
The most important thing for me is to create a space where ALL is welcome. A judgement free zone.
Where you can completely dive in to the Seductress, or Slut Archetype. There’s so much shame and guilt arount these themes, so much judgement.
I experience sensual/ sexy dance as really empowering and liberating if I feel free to dance it all out. Just because I feel like it! DELICIOUS!
It feels playful, free and powerful.
What I notice in my classes is that it’s super liberating for women to show their sexiness to other women as well. First it’s scary, then awkward and then the FUN starts!! I see women teasing, laughing, shining and taking up their space.
A dance solely danced for someone else, CAN feel empty and cold. I’ve seen those dances as well. It’s what most people associate with stripclubs. BUT it doesn’t have to be! If you actually enjoy the reaction of your audience and you love how this person receives your dance, it can actually give you lots of pleasure and power! You dance for your own pleasure AND for the pleasure of the person watching. An experience like this can be truely enriching, warm and in connection with your body.”
The paradox here is that sexy moves actually come from the way a woman naturally moves when she enjoys her body. Feeling her body and skin with her hands, slooowly moving with all of her attention, circling her hips, whirling her head… It all comes from pleasure!
So of course these movements feel amazing when you do them! My body LOVES to snake and whirl and flow. It feels organic!
It awakens my sensuality, my juice, makes me feel alive.
Even when I start my day super grumpy, tired and overall shit, I ALWAYS walk out of the sensual dance class feeling amazing. Always.
So even though a lot of people associate Sexy Dance with pleasing someone else and giving yourself away, it’s actually the most YUMMY style of dance I know, since it brings forth a lot of pleasure for yoursélf, the dancer! And isn’t that super empowering? Doing something for your own pleasure?
Enjoying your body and ALL you can do with it?
I think the big difference is in how much you’re IN your body while you dance. How much you’re really sensing your moves, feeling every inch of your dance. How much you allow yourself to totally shamelessly enjoy yourself and your sensual expression. Instead of only focussing on what lóoks beautiful or sexy. Or how you should move to evoke a response.
When I see a woman fully going for it, doing her sexy thing with that wild and naughty sparkle in her eyes, my whole body responds. I can totally feel her dance and her vibe and it turns me on! It’s the most beautiful thing to watch, a woman liberating her sexiness. And it awakens the desire to feel free in my dance and sensuality as well!
So I say: Let’s claim back our sexiness!