How often does it happen that you are in your zone, busy with cooking, when your partner suddenly spanks your bum? And you feel like ‘WHAT THE FUCK?? Where did that come from?!’
But when you turn around and you see his happy face, you say nothing about it.
Or, when you’re waking up in the morning, in ‘the spoon’ with your man, and then his morning glory rises. You feel it sticking in your bum and you’re like: ‘Noo nooooo, too much! I’m not even awake yet!’ but you tell yourself: ‘Come on, don’t be such a pussy, it’s your man!’ And you say nothing and lie still…
Or when you’re on your way out, to your work, and you want to give your partner a quick kiss, but she wraps her arms around your neck and makes it a looooong kiss, with lots of tongue and even eye contact afterwards!! And you’re on your way out! No time!!
But hey, she’s your woman. And she’s smiles so sweet..
And she’ll definitely feel rejected if you unwrap yourself.
Or if you would pull your head back to stop that kiss.
It’s just not worth the trouble right?
And you don’t have time for shit now! YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY TO WORK!
So you endure it.
You wait until it’s over, but your mind is already out the door.
It’s just a small thingie right, you love your partner and you don’t want to hurt him/her.
After all, her intention is good!
What if I’d tell you that every time you’re enduring your partner’s affection, you’re making him/her less attractive?
What if, every time you join in on that snog, when you’re not feeling it, you are ruining your sexual chemistry a bit more?
Because that moment when you don’t like the way he/she touches you, you’re connecting your partner to a not-nice-experience. So your body registers: ‘NOT YUMMY’.
And slowly but surely, your partner loses his yumminess! And you feel less and less attracted to your partner. You can even feel disgusted by him/her from time to time.
So these small thingies turn into a big thing!
So, if you want that attraction BACK, if you long to feel that yearning to EAT your babe alive again:
speak your mind!!!
Wade through that uncomfortable mud and make time for an honest conversation.
Give each other time (let’s say set a timer at 7 minutes pp) to tell all the ways of touching you don’t like so much. Or when it is just a bit too fast, too strong, too sudden. Or with too much saliva.
And then take another 7 minutes each to tell each other what you DO like a lot. That you love it when he hums in low tones while you lie on his chest. Or how he kisses your forehead when he leaves. Or how she massages your shoulders for a few minutes after dinner.
Or, when you’re getting it ON you know, that he kisses your neck first, and after that bites your ear gently. And that he postpones that moment of THE KISS a while, kissing your cheeks, the back of your neck.. So your lips get to LONG for his!
It might be uncomfortable at first, and yes, it might be hard to hear some of these honest sharings.
But it’s so fucking worth it!!
As you step into the playground of the Archetypes, you will experience that each one of them holds a part of your Juice, your unique life force. A vital part of you that longs to flow through you, to be a part of your life. If an archetype is dormant in you, part of your life force and vitality is not available to you.
For instance, if you are afraid of your deepest desires, if they seem to only hurt you, because you don’t trust that what you desire will come to you, you can start to repress it. That feeling of deeply deeply longing for something, is part of the Maiden’s power.
Imagine a little girl, dreaming about beautiful things. She is completely one with her vivid imagination and she trusts that life will bring her exactly what she wants. There’s no question about it! She dares to ask, she dares to receive. It’s her nature. Her heart is open, she gives and receives love in all kinds of ways. It’s a natural cycle. It feels amazing to her to desire something, because that desire sparks a fire inside of her. It gives her new energy! It starts as a spark, then it becomes a flower bud, then the flower opens up and fills her body up with a wonderful feeling. Every time she fantasizes about it, she is creating it.
Or maybe she just jumps up and makes it happen.
If you repress your dreams and desires, you can (unconsciously) repress the Maiden inside of you. With that, your heart closes a little. The Maiden is asleep, with all of her amazing qualities. When you hear these sentences in your head regularly, it can be a sign that your Maiden is repressed:
☆ I will never find my true love
☆ My job doesn’t need to be my passion, I have my hobbies.
☆ When I expect the worst, the outcome can only be better and I won’t be disappointed.
☆ If I can’t afford it right now, why would I go and fantasize about it?!
☆ Desiring something outside myself is bad, I should find everything inside myself.
☆ I will never be rich.
☆ It’s just not there for me.
These can be signs that your heart got hurt at a certain point and/or that you felt deeply disappointed. To survive in that moment, you closed your heart and repressed the Maiden. Which is totally understandable and it helped you then. You needed to do that in that moment, to survive and keep on going. (Please don’t judge yourself for it)
And now you are older and the situation is different. But those dreams are still lingering inside of you..
Somewhere deep down there is that rosebud, waiting to bloom and fill you up with an amazing fragrance.
Are you curious to know what it smells like? Do you long to feel how it will ignite your spark? Do you want it to bring you to life?
Desire is such a beautiful pushing force. It makes you jump UP in the morning and make shit happen!
It’s what connects you to your spark, your juice, your purpose.
It’s your drive to bring your gifts to the world.
If you long to liberate your Maiden ánd your ability to dream, desire and receive,
you are very welcome to join ‘the Juice – an online dance journey’. We will dance with 5 different archetypes, for 7 days, with a beautiful group of women, in the week before the Full Moon!
It all starts with a desire..
With all those juicy yummy classes I teach, I often feel ‘in the mood’ lately. Which I LOVE, because it comes from within!
And in my classes I can totally enjoy all of it. We create this sensual bubble all together where I get to dance it out, celebrate it, feel like a WOMAN! Together with all of these awesome women.
Then I come home and I want to share that mood with my man! But teaching sensual dance classes and working 40 hours a week in an office are quite different things, so our moods don’t always match when we see each other. And we’re parents of a 2,5 year old girl, who does nót like it when we pay attention to each other and not to her. She can get quite jealous. ‘Mij Fiend!’ (‘my friend!’) she will say while pulling my face close to hers.
A few days ago, when I tried to seduce him, but without much success, it happened.
It felt like something cracked inside of me and I fell silent. I lied still and felt the shit coming up. It felt something like: ‘Okay I give up, fuck it’.
Then I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling so I started to think a lot of things about my man. Things he ‘néver’ does, things I ‘álways’ do. Those dangerous words that gave me a signal I wasn’t thinking so clearly anymore. But I couldn’t help it.
‘I’m a fucking sensual dance teacher and my man doesn’t want me!’
‘I’ll go and find myself another lover’
‘What the FUCK.
Just… what the fuck.’
I got angrier and angrier but didn’t speak. My mind went loco.
When he asked me what was going on, I went all the way in blaming him for what I felt. And it felt so TRUE at that moment!
I threw the whole bucket of tears and blame over his head and still felt angry afterwards.
We were so tired we decided to go to sleep.
It was hard to fall asleep with that armor around me.Two days later, the sadness came up. The vulnerability underneath that armor. And all of a sudden I saw flashbacks of myself as a little girl in primary school. Feeling alone, not seen, not part of the group. It felt like every girl in my class had had a boyfriend at some point, but not me. I didn’t feel seen by boys. I was too shy, too insecure. I didn’t feel beautiful at all.
It took AGES in my experience for boys to start noticing me. I remember it being my biggest desire: to be loved by a boy. A sweet, handsome one. A real boyfriend.
To hold hands with, to kiss, cuddle… To feel loved! For who I am.
And now I see why it’s the scariest thing in the world, to dance for my man. To seduce him with all that I’ve got.
I start to understand why I immediately transform into that 12 year old girl that longs so much to be seen by a boy,
when I show him the moves I taught that morning. While just an hour before that I was dancing like a sexy vamp in the dance studio!
There’s this little layer of awkwardness that covers my dance as soon as he’s in the room.
WHAT IF he will reject me. What if he will find it totally awkward and stupid.
What if… he won’t think I’m beautiful.
That brings up tears.
Somewhere deep down I’m really afraid my man doesn’t find me sexy and beautiful. That he can’t see and receive my sensuality.
Somewhere deep inside of me there’s still that girl that’s convinced she’s not beautiful.
That girl longs with all of her heart to be received in all her beauty. To be deeply seen by a man.
I was really not aware of this pain inside, the last few years. I’m a bit surprised it comes up now, because most of the time I do feel beautiful! I love my body a lot of the time. I love to see myself dance.
And still, when I’m with my man, a certain insecurity is often there on the background.
Finally I understand why.
The last few days I’ve been telling that little girl inside that she’s welcome with all of her insecurity, her desires and her pain. I’m making space for her tears. It feels so raw, naked and vulnerable .. it’s beautiful and a bit scary at the same time. I just try to breathe through it.
Accept it as it is.
It was amazing to share this piece with my man. He received it with his heart wide open.
Hopefully I’ll notice her a bit earlier next time. So I can stay with that sadness instead of covering it with my anger and blame.
Gosh, relationships bring it all up man.
Pain, love, healing… The real deal.
I love it.
Request: This is quite scary to share, so please don’t go and give me advice, or try to ‘fix’ it. I do love to hear if you recognize it, or what you feel when you read it. Thank you.
Do you know these moments where you’re so convinced what you’re doing is the only way, but when you look back, there are so many more ways?
I had a wake up call a few weeks ago. It was after having hosted my first retreat – a dream coming true!!-
I hadn’t planned any days off after the retreat and went straight into full time mommy-ing. I would take it slow with Lóa the day after, chill with her, no problem! HA. That’s not how it works.
I craved netflix, pyjamas and tea and doing absolutely nothing, but instead I had to take care of my favourite mini human. After a week of going and going, I sort of crashed.
* Crying about all and nothing
* Feeling super wobbly, totally overwhelmed and freaking tired
* Waking up from grinding teeth – jaw totally tensed
* Unable to relax in any way
* The idea of taking care of my daughter for a whole day felt like climbing the mount everest
Bringing Lóa to her grandparents for one morning didn’t help. I tríed so hard to relax, but couldn’t! I realised I was in overdrive-mode and had to do something about it. Because I love the simplicity of paying someone to listen to my story for 1,5 hours – I booked a session with Tineke Duys and she had time for me the same day!
It was a session that blew my mind and all my current ideas about motherhood.
I explained to her that ‘giving’ and ‘receiving’ were completely out of balance. I felt an intense desire to crawl up underneath a blanket while someone would take care of ME for once, feeding me, stroking my hair, and then leaving me alone so I could watch netflix. That perfect mix of being totally nourished and left the fuck alone. “I have nóthing to GIVE anymore!” I told her.
She told me that she thought that I was doing a LOT, trying to grow my business whilst taking care of our daughter full time – well not completely fulltime, I have an amazing partner, but still he’s working 5 days a week, so pretty much fulltime, yes, thank you! – ánd trying to keep up with the laundry and other grown-up stuff. She asked me all these practical things like:
How often are you cooking? Who does the groceries? When do you have time to do something just for you? How often are you available for your business?
And the most important thing she said was :
“What if motherhood is a full time job?”
“And if you both have a full time job, then why are you doing most of the cooking, the groceries and the household?”
– Angelic choir with birdsounds while a portal is opening inside my head – blinding me with light –
It was one of these epiphanies that made my life so much easier, right then and there.
I felt SO acknowledged and seen for all that I do. It felt amazing!!
Everything started to click and fall in place.
Finally I started to see motherhood for what it really is. A full time job!! A very nice job, but very intense too!
Finally I understood why I always had this rushy feeling, like there’s just never enough time!
BECAUSE THERE WASN’T ENOUGH TIME!
As soon as my daughter would fall asleep I heard the clock ticking: the golden 2 hours !!!
Time to do my website! And answer emails! And prepare my danceclass! And… eat, keep up with my online course, and…
SHIT she’s awake already and I just finished #1.
Half an hour later I’d be in the playground with my daughter, but couldn’t be there, really, because I hadn’t finished all these things!
Tineke told me that she had read that most of the time motherhood asks even móre of you than working somewhere else. Because in most jobs you can have a bad day and do a little less, but as a mama you have to be present 100% all the time!
I realised that I have to choose: Do I want to be a full time mother and wait with my business, or do I want to be a parttime mama and actually have time to work?
The idea of waiting with my business gave me such a stomach ache that it was clear: I’m choosing to be a parttime mama now. (OMG! my motherheart still cramps when I say that out loud)
I see that I’ve tried to do a 100 things at the same time and I was convinced that it was normal. I even felt like I was weird for not being able to do it all.
So it’s time for a new balance!!
For the first time I made an overview of how many hours I need per week to work, how many hours I need to do something for myself and how much time it costs to cook & do the groceries.
So I know how many days per week I need a nanny.
The result is:
* We have a cooking schedule! whaaat! (I cook 3 days, Johan 4 – the one who cooks does the groceries)
– This is already soooo nice! I know when Johan cooks, it doesn’t feel like I’m asking him a favour, it doesn’t feel like I’m failing when I don’t cook… amazing!!
* We found a supersweet nanny for Lóa and she will go there 2 (short) days a week! Next to the two mornings she goes to opa & oma and the babysitter.
* Making a schedule for myself : when do I work, when do I do something for me? Keeping work/private separate and in balance.
* Naps are for relaxing or doing something fun!
THIS FEELS SO HUGE!
The belief that a stay-at-home mama is not doing much was stronger than I thought. It made me think that I could do a lot of things next to it, which was actually quite impossible!
It’s SO NICE to see it clearly now!
What a relief that I don’t have to do it all anymore.
Slowly my energy is coming back and I start to feel more in balance.
Super curious what this next fase will bring!