How to feel attracted to your partner again

How often does it happen that you are in your zone, busy with cooking, when your partner suddenly spanks your bum? And you feel like ‘WHAT THE FUCK?? Where did that come from?!’
But when you turn around and you see his happy face, you say nothing about it.

Or, when you’re waking up in the morning, in ‘the spoon’ with your man, and then his morning glory rises. You feel it sticking in your bum and you’re like: ‘Noo nooooo, too much! I’m not even awake yet!’  but you tell yourself: ‘Come on, don’t be such a pussy, it’s your man!’  And you say nothing and lie still…

Or when you’re on your way out, to your work, and you want to give your partner a quick kiss, but she wraps her arms around your neck and makes it a looooong kiss, with lots of tongue and even eye contact afterwards!! And you’re on your way out! No time!!

But hey, she’s your woman. And she’s smiles so sweet..
And she’ll definitely feel rejected if you unwrap yourself.
Or if you would pull your head back to stop that kiss.
It’s just not worth the trouble right?
And you don’t have time for shit now! YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY TO WORK!

So you endure it.
You wait until it’s over, but your mind is already out the door.
It’s just a small thingie right, you love your partner and you don’t want to hurt him/her.
After all, her intention is good!

What if I’d tell you that every time you’re enduring your partner’s affection, you’re making him/her less attractive?
What if, every time you join in on that snog, when you’re not feeling it, you are ruining your sexual chemistry a bit more?
Because that moment when you don’t like the way he/she touches you, you’re connecting your partner to a not-nice-experience. So your body registers: ‘NOT YUMMY’.

And slowly but surely, your partner loses his yumminess! And you feel less and less attracted to your partner. You can even feel disgusted by him/her from time to time.
So these small thingies turn into a big thing!

So, if you want that attraction BACK, if you long to feel that yearning to EAT your babe alive again:
speak your mind!!!
Wade through that uncomfortable mud and make time for an honest conversation.
Give each other time (let’s say set a timer at 7 minutes pp) to tell all the ways of touching you don’t like so much. Or when it is just a bit too fast, too strong, too sudden. Or with too much saliva.

And then take another 7 minutes each to tell each other what you DO like a lot. That you love it when he hums in low tones while you lie on his chest. Or how he kisses your forehead when he leaves. Or how she massages your shoulders for a few minutes after dinner.
Or, when you’re getting it ON you know, that he kisses your neck first, and after that bites your ear gently. And that he postpones that moment of THE KISS a while, kissing your cheeks, the back of your neck.. So your lips get to LONG for his!

It might be uncomfortable at first, and yes, it might be hard to hear some of these honest sharings.
But it’s so fucking worth it!!

The critical masculine gaze

 

What do you experience when you see this video?
Do you like watching it?
Do you maybe even feel arroused by watching it?
Or do you think: ‘Jeezz does she really have to show that here to everyone on social media? What does she want to get out of it? She must be an attention-addict.’
Or: ‘Pleasing your man like that is so disempowering!’
Do you often find yourself comparing yourself to other more beautiful/ more flexible/ more daring/ whatever whát more women?
Who doesn’t know this feeling! I think all women in western society do. You could call it ‘the critical masculine gaze’.
It is when you compare yourself to what you see on tv and in the magazines, when you see yourself with the eyes of a critical man.
OR, when you look at another woman who seems to fit this image and it makes you feel shit about yourself.

A LOT of women internalized this gaze. It’s like they’re wearing sunglasses. They really experience the world through this lens and can’t stop comparing, judging and feeling insecure about their bodies. They are looking at themselves and others through the lens of what they think men want.

The moment I became aware of my sunglasses, was when I started flirting with women. When I admitted to myself I longed to make love to a woman, I asked myself: ‘So then, what is actually my type?’
I started to look around with different eyes. I looked around to see and feel which woman I would want to be intimate with. The result was a big surprise for me at the time. I was at a dance party when I saw a woman dancing. She was completely enjoying her dance and her body moved very sensually, in a natural and beautiful way. I could see she was totally IN her body and her dance, because I could feel it so well in my own body, while watching her. It arroused me.
Her body was very curved, which I found beautiful. When I imagined our bodies together, naked, I could already feel how soft she would be and how amazing our bodies together would feel.
Without even feeling her skin, or sensing her body, I could already FEEL her.
And I was so surprised! She was way rounder and more curved than I am.

I thought to myself: ‘WOW!!! If I find a ‘full’ woman so beautiful and sexy, WHY the hell do I often judge my own belly? Why do I want it flatter and more muscled? Why do I try to fit into an image of a skinny woman, when actually I like round women more???’

It really was an epiphany.
My critical masculine glasses had fell off and I saw women from my own perspective. From what I truely believed was sexy. I discovered that I often am mesmerized by women that are embodied, sensual and, well, curved.

Rounder than I am.

Since I consciously practice to fully receive a dance of another woman, and with that, allowing myself to fully enjoy that (to feel pleasure and arousal, or a warm heart, inner smile) , I don’t have to feel shitty anymore. It doesn’t give me a bad feeling, it gives me pleasure!
That switch is everything.
The thing that is super important when you want to get rid of your critical masculine gaze is:

Embodiment.

Coming back to your own body.

To your own experience.

Coming back to your senses.

Because it’s impossible to judge your soft belly when you feel it with your hands and fully enjoy the soft, warm skin. And how you can softly push into your belly without hitting your bones. When that belly is giving you pleasure. It truly is the softest part of your body!!
When you take time to open all the senses in your hands, when you feel your soft skin, you are IN your body.
And not in your mind.
It is impossible to judge then, because all judgement comes from the mind.

That’s why sensual dance is a super strong antidote to the critical masculine gaze. It pulls you right back into your body, into your senses, into the NOW.

If you long to drop those glasses too and to start embracing, loving and enjoying your body much more, you are welcome to join my online sensual dance classes, or dive deep with ‘The Juice- intensive’!

The sleeping Maiden

The sleeping Maiden

As you step into the playground of the Archetypes, you will experience that each one of them holds a part of your Juice, your unique life force. A vital part of you that longs to flow through you, to be a part of your life. If an archetype is dormant in you, part of your life force and vitality is not available to you.

For instance, if you are afraid of your deepest desires, if they seem to only hurt you, because you don’t trust that what you desire will come to you, you can start to repress it. That feeling of deeply deeply longing for something, is part of the Maiden’s power.
Imagine a little girl, dreaming about beautiful things. She is completely one with her vivid imagination and she trusts that life will bring her exactly what she wants. There’s no question about it! She dares to ask, she dares to receive. It’s her nature. Her heart is open, she gives and receives love in all kinds of ways. It’s a natural cycle. It feels amazing to her to desire something, because that desire sparks a fire inside of her. It gives her new energy! It starts as a spark, then it becomes a flower bud, then the flower opens up and fills her body up with a wonderful feeling. Every time she fantasizes about it, she is creating it.
Or maybe she just jumps up and makes it happen.

If you repress your dreams and desires, you can (unconsciously) repress the Maiden inside of you. With that, your heart closes a little. The Maiden is asleep, with all of her amazing qualities. When you hear these sentences in your head regularly, it can be a sign that your Maiden is repressed:
☆ I will never find my true love
☆ My job doesn’t need to be my passion, I have my hobbies.
☆ When I expect the worst, the outcome can only be better and I won’t be disappointed.
☆ If I can’t afford it right now, why would I go and fantasize about it?!
☆ Desiring something outside myself is bad, I should find everything inside myself.
☆ I will never be rich.
☆ It’s just not there for me.

These can be signs that your heart got hurt at a certain point and/or that you felt deeply disappointed. To survive in that moment, you closed your heart and repressed the Maiden. Which is totally understandable and it helped you then. You needed to do that in that moment, to survive and keep on going. (Please don’t judge yourself for it)
And now you are older and the situation is different. But those dreams are still lingering inside of you..
Somewhere deep down there is that rosebud, waiting to bloom and fill you up with an amazing fragrance.
Are you curious to know what it smells like? Do you long to feel how it will ignite your spark? Do you want it to bring you to life?
Desire is such a beautiful pushing force. It makes you jump UP in the morning and make shit happen!
It’s what connects you to your spark, your juice, your purpose.
It’s your drive to bring your gifts to the world.

If you long to liberate your Maiden ánd your ability to dream, desire and receive,
you are very welcome to join ‘the Juice – an online dance journey’. We will dance with 5 different archetypes, for 7 days, with a beautiful group of women, in the week before the Full Moon!

It all starts with a desire..

www.louloudance.nl/the-juice-online-journey

 

 

Scared to seduce my man

~Vulnerable share~
With all those juicy yummy classes I teach, I often feel ‘in the mood’ lately. Which I LOVE, because it comes from within!
And in my classes I can totally enjoy all of it. We create this sensual bubble all together where I get to dance it out, celebrate it, feel like a WOMAN! Together with all of these awesome women.

Then I come home and I want to share that mood with my man! But teaching sensual dance classes and working 40 hours a week in an office are quite different things, so our moods don’t always match when we see each other. And we’re parents of a 2,5 year old girl, who does nót like it when we pay attention to each other and not to her. She can get quite jealous. ‘Mij Fiend!’ (‘my friend!’) she will say while pulling my face close to hers.

A few days ago, when I tried to seduce him, but without much success, it happened.
It felt like something cracked inside of me and I fell silent. I lied still and felt the shit coming up. It felt something like: ‘Okay I give up, fuck it’.

Then I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling so I started to think a lot of things about my man. Things he ‘néver’ does, things I ‘álways’ do. Those dangerous words that gave me a signal I wasn’t thinking so clearly anymore. But I couldn’t help it.
‘I’m a fucking sensual dance teacher and my man doesn’t want me!’
‘I’ll go and find myself another lover’
‘What the FUCK.
Just… what the fuck.’
I got angrier and angrier but didn’t speak. My mind went loco.
When he asked me what was going on, I went all the way in blaming him for what I felt. And it felt so TRUE at that moment!
I threw the whole bucket of tears and blame over his head and still felt angry afterwards.
We were so tired we decided to go to sleep.
It was hard to fall asleep with that armor around me.Two days later, the sadness came up. The vulnerability underneath that armor. And all of a sudden I saw flashbacks of myself as a little girl in primary school. Feeling alone, not seen, not part of the group. It felt like every girl in my class had had a boyfriend at some point, but not me. I didn’t feel seen by boys. I was too shy, too insecure. I didn’t feel beautiful at all.
It took AGES in my experience for boys to start noticing me. I remember it being my biggest desire: to be loved by a boy. A sweet, handsome one. A real boyfriend.
To hold hands with, to kiss, cuddle… To feel loved! For who I am.

And now I see why it’s the scariest thing in the world, to dance for my man. To seduce him with all that I’ve got.
I start to understand why I immediately transform into that 12 year old girl that longs so much to be seen by a boy,
when I show him the moves I taught that morning. While just an hour before that I was dancing like a sexy vamp in the dance studio!
There’s this little layer of awkwardness that covers my dance as soon as he’s in the room.

WHAT IF he will reject me. What if he will find it totally awkward and stupid.
What if… he won’t think I’m beautiful. 
That brings up tears.
Somewhere deep down I’m really afraid my man doesn’t find me sexy and beautiful. That he can’t see and receive my sensuality.
Somewhere deep inside of me there’s still that girl that’s convinced she’s not beautiful.
That girl longs with all of her heart to be received in all her beauty. To be deeply seen by a man.

I was really not aware of this pain inside, the last few years. I’m a bit surprised it comes up now, because most of the time I do feel beautiful! I love my body a lot of the time. I love to see myself dance.

And still, when I’m with my man, a certain insecurity is often there on the background.
Finally I understand why.

The last few days I’ve been telling that little girl inside that she’s welcome with all of her insecurity, her desires and her pain. I’m making space for her tears. It feels so raw, naked and vulnerable .. it’s beautiful and a bit scary at the same time. I just try to breathe through it.
Accept it as it is.
It was amazing to share this piece with my man. He received it with his heart wide open.
Hopefully I’ll notice her a bit earlier next time. So I can stay with that sadness instead of covering it with my anger and blame.
Gosh, relationships bring it all up man.
Pain, love, healing… The real deal.
I love it.

Request: This is quite scary to share, so please don’t go and give me advice, or try to ‘fix’ it. I do love to hear if you recognize it, or what you feel when you read it. Thank you.

JOYday

Wow. I’m still surfing the waves that my JOYday gave me! Pilar Lesko suggests to implement a weekly Joyday. One day a week to follow your joy. The whole day! And avoiding social media, that too.

The idea is that feeding your business, is the same as feeding yourself. If you are taking excellent care of yourself, for instance by following your joy, then you radiate your core frequency and attract more good things to you! You’ll be like a magnet for pleasure, abundance and opportunities.

So you can promote your business with doing something you love! And people will feel it, even if you don’t post about it on social media. You only focuss on your own joy & frequency.

This is something I love to experiment with and I will tell you a beautiful example!

Monday I was awake super early (4:30) and started with a Joe Dispenza meditation. When I was fully awake I felt super inspired to work on my website! So I did that.
When my man (Johan) woke up I had already worked for a few hours and felt super happy with my fruitfull time without being disturbed.
Johan had taken the day off and suggested to go to the swimming pool with our daughter. I said yes.
Then when I was taking my shower, I felt that I actually really longed for more time alone. Like… a whole day!
My first response was: ‘Noooo that’s too much.’
The first thing that I álways do when I long for me-time is think when Johan had a day to himself, as to analyse if I really deserve that day for myself. If it’s all still in balance. It felt like quite a BIG thing to ask for!
But the more I thought about all the possibilities of this yummy JOYday, the more I convinced myself I deserved it.
So I asked Johan if it was okay. And he said yes!
Wohoooow!
THE SAUNA – that’s what I want’ I thought. AND YOGA!
So I booked a Gentle Flow yogaclass and a ticket for the Sauna. It all felt SO abundant and amazing, to have ALL that time for myself! To spend exactly as I’d like. I had a lot of excitement explosions preparing my day.
– Okay I have to admit that I didn’t plan time alone for a long time, that’s why this felt so special –
I went to the yogaclass, which turned out to be a réally nice one. After that I bought myself a super yummy warm lunch and a piece of chocolate – beetroot cake. (Go try it – at ‘SLA’ really fucking good)
With my lunch in a bag I cycled to the trainstation. There I saw some beautiful clothes in a shop and thought: ‘I’ve got all the time in the world! I’ll just go and try them on.’
In the end I didn’t buy them, but I did find the perfect Sinterklaas shoe-present for my bonus-son, which also made me really happy.
Then I slowly walked to the train and completely enjoyed my lunch on the way to the Sauna.
(Especially the cake)
Once I was in the sauna, I already felt so relaxed and happy that I thought it couldn’t get any better.

Well, IT COULD.

Being silent for a few hours was already such a soothing experience. It calmed my mind.
That HEAT in the sauna man, it warmed me up to my bones and it gave me all kinds of yummy sensations. When I realized I could try and play with my energy a bit, I started doing the microcosmic orbit (Tao Breathing Technique). No one noticed what I was doing, but inside of me I felt such subtle tingly warm waves of energy, it was amazing. I don’t know if it’s true but it seemed like the combination of the heat and this breathing technique is a really good one! I could feel the sexual vital energy spreading in really subtle waves.
After some rounds of sauna, delicious icecold baths or showers and some swimming, I felt like chilling and meditating. So I searched for a relaxt spot and found a meditation by Joe Dispenza of an hour. I never did a meditation of 60 minutes before. When do you find the time and will to do that?? But I thought: ‘hack I’ve got all the time in the world!’ So I went for it. This meditation really brought me to a place of total bliss. It’s hard to describe but it felt like wave after wave of blissfull floaty sparkly energy going through my body.
When I was back on earth I went into the sauna again and just bathed in the yumminess.
Then I suddenly felt I wanted to join the singing bowl meditation, so I booked my spot.
Half an hour of beautiful healing sounds made me journey again. When the woman who was playing the bowls started talking again I couldn’t understand which language she was speaking! Only after two sentences I heard it was dutch. Weird! My brain was in chill-mode I think. 

After a last round of sauna I took the train home.

That evening I found out that 4 women booked tickets for my workshops that day. And 2 more the next morning!
AIN’T THAT AMAZING!
It feels like thé example of attracting abundance with feeling pleasure and following your joy.
And I’m still riding the afterwaves! When I have time and feel like it (on my bike, on the couch, making sandwiches, wherever) I do the microcosmic orbit for just a few minutes and the feeling comes back!
A deep warm tingly relaxation.
And álso a lot of energy!

Next week my man has another day off…

hmm… I might just give myself another Joyday…

It pays the bills right!

(picture by Kunal Shinde – unsplash)